If you’ve ever felt lonely, you’re not alone. Loneliness is something we all experience at one time or another, but many of us don’t feel comfortable talking about it.
While it’s normal to feel lonely occasionally, persistent loneliness and social isolation can lead to poor health and wellbeing. That’s why it’s important to have open discussions about how you’re feeling to dispel misconceptions and reduce stigma.
Feeling lonely or being socially isolated does not mean there’s something wrong with you. Instead, it’s more helpful to view these experiences as a sign that it’s time to reach out and connect with those around you.
Read on as we explore loneliness and social isolation, and the importance of meaningful connections.
Loneliness and social isolation: what’s the difference?
While they’re often used interchangeably, loneliness and social isolation are different.
Loneliness is the distressing feeling of being alone or separated. It includes feeling a lack of connection to other people, along with a desire for more, or more satisfying, social relationships. If you’re socially isolated , it means you don’t have many social relationships or roles, and only have infrequent social contact with others.
People can experience loneliness and social isolation at the same time, but they can also occur on their own. For example, someone might have a lot of social connections (and therefore not be socially isolated), but they still feel lonely. On the other hand, someone may be socially isolated, but not have feelings of loneliness.
Loneliness and social isolation can happen for many reasons and often coincide with a big life change. For example, you might feel lonely or disconnected if you end a relationship, live alone for the first time, change jobs or schools, retire, have a baby, or move to a new city.
As you adjust to these new circumstances, feelings of loneliness often pass, but sometimes they persist.
It’s also important to understand the difference between feeling lonely and needing time alone. It’s normal to enjoy ‘alone time’ to help you relax and recharge. Everyone has different needs for alone time, so it’s also normal for some people to need more time alone than others to feel their best. If you’re enjoying your solitude, you most likely won’t feel isolated, distressed, or crave contact with others.
The big impact
While loneliness and social isolation aren’t specific mental health conditions, they can still affect your mental and general health.
Loneliness has been linked to premature death, poor physical and mental health, greater psychological distress and general dissatisfaction with life.
Social isolation has many health impacts and has been linked to mental illness, feelings of distress, suicide, the development of dementia and premature death.
People experiencing loneliness and social isolation are also more likely to feel tired, have trouble sleeping and notice decreased motivation. They may also experience changes in appetite and start to notice issues with substance abuse such as drinking a lot of alcohol, misusing medicines or taking drugs.
Who's feeling it?
Anyone can become isolated or lonely. It has nothing to do with your character, qualities or personality.
Research shows that one in four Australians are persistently lonely. Persistent loneliness refers to people who feel lonely for at least eight weeks. In addition, nearly one in seven Australians are persistently socially isolated. Persistent social isolation refers to people who have infrequent social contact for at least eight weeks.
Loneliness and social isolation are experienced by people of all ages and from all backgrounds, but there are some life circumstances that contribute to people staying lonely and socially isolated.
People who are more likely to be persistently lonely include:
- young people
- culturally and linguistically diverse people
- carers
- those with chronic disease and poor mental health
- people who are single or separated/divorced
- those living in outer regional and remote areas.
Social isolation is of particular risk for people who:
- work for long periods away from home
- have poorly met financial needs
- have a disability
- are unemployed
- are retired.
Big life changes like moving, graduating, losing a loved one, or becoming a new parent can also bring on feelings of loneliness.
What does loneliness feel like?
It can be tricky to put your finger on what exactly loneliness feels like. Generally, if you’re feeling lonely, you’ll feel sad, empty, or as if you’re lacking something important. You may also feel a longing to have more, or deeper connections with others. Persistent loneliness can also include the following symptoms:
- decreased energy
- feeling foggy or unable to focus
- insomnia, interrupted sleep, or other sleep issues
- decreased appetite
- feelings of self-doubt, hopelessness, or worthlessness
- a tendency to get sick frequently
- body aches and pains
- feelings of anxiousness or restlessness
- increased shopping
- substance abuse
- increased desire to binge-watch shows or movies
- cravings for physical warmth, such as hot drinks, baths, or cozy clothes and blankets.
Why does connection matter?
Connection is a basic human need. If you’re feeling lonely, it’s your body’s way of telling you this need isn’t being met, and you should try to develop new or more social connections.
But the solution isn’t as simple as just ‘talking to more people’. Instead, more meaningful social connections are needed. In other words, it’s all about quality over quantity. Meaningful social connections are strong relationships built on shared values where you feel seen and heard.
How to create meaningful social connections
Many of us believe that making friends and connections should be easy. If it isn’t, we may feel as if we are doing something wrong. However, getting to know new people isn’t always easy.
Strong friendships are made through repeated interactions and effort over time. One thing that you can do is see what existing relationships you have and work on making those bonds closer and deeper by checking in more regularly and arranging to catch up. If you can’t always catch up with friends in-person, phone calls and messaging through social media can be a great way to stay connected.
If you’re looking to make new connections with people and build up your social network, you can try learning something new or starting a hobby and joining an associated club. For example, you could join a community choir, a craft group or a running club. You can also become an active member of your neighbourhood through volunteering or participating in community programs or groups.
Animal lovers will be pleased to hear that having a pet has also been shown to reduce social isolation and feelings of loneliness.
The important thing to remember is that your need to connect with others is part of being human, and there is no shame in feeling lonely.
When to seek help
Everyone feels lonely or isolated from time to time, but if you’ve been feeling like this for a long time and have noticed it’s starting to affect your health and wellbeing, it’s a good idea to reach out for support.
You can chat to a loved one, or book in with your healthcare provider to talk through some solutions. Free support can also be found at Lifeline and BeyondBlue.
It’s also suggested to seek help if:
- Your feelings of loneliness and/or social isolation are negatively affecting your day-to-day life and are making it difficult to do the things you normally enjoy.
- You’re experiencing a low mood or feelings of depression.
- You’re experiencing symptoms of another mental health concern, like depression or anxiety.
- Your physical symptoms aren’t going away after a few weeks, or they’re getting worse, or they’re affecting your day-to-day life.
More resources
- If you’re struggling with persistent feelings of loneliness and/or social isolation, free support can be found from Lifeline and BeyondBlue.
- Ending Loneliness Together have some great online resources to combat loneliness and social isolation.
- Check out the Ending Loneliness Directory to find groups, organisations and services that will help you, or someone you know, connect with others and build meaningful relationships.
- Find ways to volunteer or participate in community programs or groups.
- Read the full research report from the Ending Loneliness Together team.
- More tips for avoiding social isolation.